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Some Notes for Our Pandemic Doggy-Sitter

Pricey Canine-Sitter,

Welcome! We are all so joyful you’re below. Especially our pandemic pet dog, Fauci. His desired nicknames are Dan Levy, Ali Wong, and Very little Lovely Adorable Head, but he will unquestionably also react to the Fauchmeister, Fauci Claus, the Fauci Fairy, and Hello.

Nevertheless we have not remaining household (or him) in a calendar year and a fifty percent, he’ll likely tolerate you if you observe these uncomplicated directions:

Fauci eats two and three-quarters moments a working day. Initially food is at 6:37 A.M., 2nd meal’s when he starts off projecting a Taylor Swift “Lover” vibe, then scratches himself under the collar with his again left paw. The 3-quarter meal ought to be a palm-measurement part of black-truffle Malibu sea urchin at midnight.

Fauci loves going outdoors, but only when it’s not sunny. Or raining. Or also cloudy. Like, if they are relocating tremendous speedy, he can get tween-y. He loves hailstorms, nevertheless! And a small tornado is his preferred climate to poop in. His favorite weather to pee in is your shoes.

Fauci is crate trained. Through the day, you can just go away the crate door open up so he can appear and go as he pleases. He sleeps in his crate each and every night time. Only say “Night night” and behold how considerably he loves his crate. He thinks of it as his “wolf den.” But, if he starts to whine endlessly, foam at the mouth, and dig at the crate’s corners until eventually his nails bleed, he need to undoubtedly slumber in the mattress with you. He prefers the firmer pillow, a heating pad, and a number of episodes of “Breaking Bad” before nodding off. Oh, and the kiwi diffuser.

Fauci is a quite delicate animal. He likes when you sing “Jorge Regula” by the Moldy Peaches. He is also a supporter of Bizarre Al. He’s also a genius. He plays chess. On the web. You have to make all the choices and press all of the buttons for him, while. And he tends to make TikTok pasta. But, again, you have to “do” it all for him. He’s likely to want you to have on the “My Canine Is My Sous-Chef” apron, even although he’s truthfully helpless in the kitchen area. (Really don’t inform him I mentioned that.)

Fauci is really affectionate and loves receiving pets, but not on his stomach, legs, ears, spine, paws, or experience. His preferred put to be petted is on his enamel. Will he growl? Of system he will! But which is just the aspect of him that is ninety-9-per-cent wolf. The other one for every cent of him is just a entirely human-dependent, ball-considerably less pug.

When you are enjoying fetch with him, pitch knuckleballs only, remember to.

Don’t solution him when he’s eating, or you could possibly locate your self unintentionally playing the “hand-alternative-surgery game.” On that very same take note, make sure you really don’t talk to him when you perception that he’s feeling glitter-bomb-y. He is, nonetheless, a amazing conversationalist when you feeling that he’s experience Marc Maron-y, or if he declares, “Somewhere in the environment, there’s a café in which every thing I say is witty and the soup is always scorching,” which will sound additional like, “Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof.”

Make sure you do not ever go away him by yourself in the residence, room, or crate. I know what I explained earlier mentioned about the crate, but he’s basically not crate qualified at all.

Essential! There are to be no Craisins in the residence. They are toxic to pet dogs. Or is it raisins? I can not remember. So please do not consume although you’re in this article.

We know that you and Fauci will have a fantastic 7 days! We can truthfully say that he’s the ideal puppy in the globe. He’s the only dog we have ever permit bite the arms that feed him. So several periods! LOL.

Thank you so significantly for being below. And, if one thing should really come about to us for the duration of our move—I signify, “trip”—to Fiji, he’s all yours!

Hugs and arfs,

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